I have so often heard the phrase “What do women want”? Some would infer that what my single women friends want is different than what myself and other mothers want. Just out of curiosity, I googled “what women want” and received a lot of articles about what women desire sexually. When I googled “what mothers want,” I got a list of what to buy Mom for Mother’s Day and a few links on breastfeeding. So, based on this search alone, one can assume that mothers are these sexless beings whose breasts are now for feeding and not ogling. Better buy them a gift in May, so they know you still care about them.

Among my once single friends and family members that are soon-to-be moms, you see this assumed shift in desire almost instantly. Call it instinctual nature or societal pressures, but what once was a woman whose Facebook profile was her smiling with a friend, spouse, or alone, now depicts a lovely sonogram picture. Rightly so, they wrap themselves in their new life as one begins to grow inside them. I remember feeling so elated with my first pregnancy, but now looking back on it, I was happy for the attention I received the whole time. Everyone was so excited to talk to me about when I was due, if I felt any kicking yet, or what my food cravings were for that week. Trivial, yes, but it still felt about me and MY life. And I was still assumed to be a sexual being. Heck, how did I get in that condition in the first place, right?

Pre-child you’re a woman who might want to take a year off from school to explore her options ( just because you can). No rush to graduate in four years. You want that new pair of jeans just like ‘so-and-so’ actress has on in that magazine. You want great sex all the time (just because you can-and you have the time) You want to be happy; live your life your own way. Post-child, you wish you would have finished that degree because now who knows if and when you will go back. You still want that pair of jeans, but they probably won’t fit for at least a year and cost too damn much in the first place. You settle for what sex you can get when you can get it. Nothing kills the mood like a crying baby or little knock four feet high on your bedroom door. You ARE happy, even if you can barely open your eyes from lack of sleep. You live life your own way, just with more pit stops.

A woman is a woman whether she has five children, one, or none. She wants what any other woman may want and if she desires it bad enough, she will make it happen. You can’t stop being a woman when you become a mother no more than a caterpillar stops being an insect once it’s a beautiful butterfly.

Read more from Jennifer at her personal blog, Letters to My Dad and follow her on Twitter.