Can’t we all just get along? by Heather Stevens
It wasn’t until I became a mother that I realized all of the different “clubs” of motherhood: the Cloth Diaper Club, the “Cry-it-Out” Club, the Working Mothers Club…you name it; there is an enthusiastic mother behind it! When my first son was born, I labeled myself as a “natural” parent and soon found myself getting into heated arguments from people who thought I was parenting wrong or thought I was attacking them for not parenting the same way. I got caught up in the politics of motherhood. I didn’t want to be judged for my parenting decisions, but I was guilty of judging those around me for not doing things the way I thought was right. It wasn’t until I was served some humble pie by a friend who was also a mother that I realized when it gets right down to it, we’re all moms and we‘re all human. It’s bad enough we have society breathing down our necks trying to push us to fit into certain roles as parents, then to add on the pain of being criticized by your fellow mother? Ugh, no thank you!
No matter if you work or stay home, breast feed or formula feed, vaccinate or not…as long as your baby is being loved and cared for, who am I to judge?
I’ve learned that it’s okay to stand up for what I believe in, but as a mother, I need the support of my friends and family, not condemnation. I realize now it’s good to be passionate about something when it comes to my parenting, but it’s also good to support my fellow mom who may do things a little differently. In the end, we all want what is best for our children, and only we know what works best for our own individual family. The world would be a boring place if we all did things the same!
You just need to take what works for you and leave the rest because a mom is a mom is a mom, no matter what!
Like what you just read? Read more from Heather at Life With The Stevens and follow her on Twitter at @hlstevens
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10:10 AM on October 4th, 2011
OH Heather I can admit with only minimal embarrassment you are RIGHT! I vaccinate but am VERY pro cloth diapers….so I straddle the lines and have caught myself feeling pretty pious or pretty picked on depending on the conversation. Thanks for addressing this so handily. I once got to ask Sam Donaldson what he thought the biggest obstacle to a women in the White House would be. He said “Other women”. Why are we each other’s biggest critic?
11:46 AM on October 4th, 2011
Heather, unfortunately more mothers need the reality check that you gave here. It amazes me how quickly we get caught up in trying to defend what we think is right for us that we forget it may not be right for others. I credit Mothers & More (and all the women I have met through Mothers & More) for helping me gain the courage to defend my own choices when I am feeling my beliefs should be expressed, the wisdom to know when to keep my mouth shut because another mother’s choices are her own to make, and the language to do either in a gratious and mature way.
4:51 PM on October 4th, 2011
I’ll admit, I have been dangerously close to the line as well. But honestly, joining M&M has made me see that there are some so many amazing woman out there and just because we do not do things the same doesn’t mean we can’t be great friends!!
6:29 AM on October 8th, 2011
You know, I think there are so many hormones and so much newness involved with having a baby (at least the first time around) that it sets up an unavoidable palette for insecurity/judgement of the self and others. I’ve thought (and written) about this topic a lot–both from the point of view of my dealing with doing it and my dealing with others doing it. I think what happens to some of it is that our children grow up, and we are able to see that things like breastfeeding and diapering are such small parts of the parenting experience that we stop identifying ourselves by/clinging to the choices we make. Then it becomes other things–does my child read early? What scores does my child get on SATs? Sadly, I’m not sure that all parents adjust and become less judgy, but I’m happy to see you had a wonderful a-ha moment yourself.